If you have ever wondered what people mean when they talk about "the lifestyle", you are in the right place. This guide explains what swinging is, who takes part and how newcomers usually find their feet, without jargon and without any pressure.
So, what is swinging?
Swinging is another name for the lifestyle. It describes adults, most often couples but also singles, who enjoy meeting other like-minded adults for social and intimate fun, always with the full agreement of everyone involved. The key idea is that couples decide together. Nobody is doing anything behind anyone's back, and nobody is expected to do anything they are not comfortable with.
Many people find that the lifestyle is as much about friendship and fun as anything else. Plenty of members say that the chatting, laughing and getting to know each other is half the enjoyment.
Who takes part?
All kinds of people. Members of the lifestyle come from every walk of life and every part of the UK. Some are in long marriages, some have been together a few years, and some are single and simply enjoy meeting couples and other singles. What they have in common is that they are adults, they are curious and open-minded, and they value respect.
Because everyone is different, there is no single "right" way to enjoy the lifestyle. Some people only ever chat online and meet for a drink. Others go to organised social events. Some prefer private meet-ups with one other couple. All of these are perfectly normal.
A few myths worth clearing up
"It must be a free-for-all." It is the opposite. The lifestyle runs on clear communication and agreed boundaries. Good communities are built on consent and manners.
"It only suits unhappy couples." Many couples say that talking openly about what they both want has brought them closer. The ones who enjoy it most tend to be confident and secure together.
"You have to do everything." You do not. You can say yes, no or "not tonight" at any point, and good company will always understand.
How most couples get started
Most newcomers begin with a conversation between the two of them. Before creating a profile or meeting anyone, it helps to talk about a few simple questions:
- Why does this appeal to each of us?
- What would we like to try, and what is off the table?
- How will we both let each other know if we want to stop?
- What are we each comfortable sharing, and with whom?
There are no wrong answers, and your answers can change over time. What matters is that you both feel heard.
Taking your first steps
Once you are both comfortable, creating a profile is a relaxed way to start. You can say what you are looking for, browse members at your own pace and chat with people before deciding whether to meet. Many members spend a good while chatting online first, which makes meeting in person feel much more natural.
When you do arrange to meet, a public place such as a bar or restaurant is a good first step. Keep personal details such as your address or workplace private until you trust someone, and tell a friend where you are going if you are meeting alone.
Be yourself
The best advice anyone in the lifestyle can give a newcomer is to be honest and be yourself. Say what you want, listen to what others want and enjoy getting to know people. If something does not feel right, you can always step away.
Ready to have a look? You can create a free profile in a few minutes, say what you are looking for and start exploring our members at your own pace.
Have a question? Our FAQ and glossary are a good place to start.